The Angel
by Pillars of Creation
Summary: It's a normal Thursday afternoon for the Winchesters until a girl literally drops out of the sky. Then it's still a normal Thursday afternoon, but with an extra person. Tears and laughter ensue. CastielxOC with elements borrowed from other biblically-inspired fandoms (Good Omens, Mortal Instruments, etc.) Rated M for sex, swearing, and frankly excessive violence. Castiel/OC
1. The girl who dropped from the sky

**A/N: **So I spewed out a massive story, then thought I'd upload it onto here because I figured it was a halfway decent piece of writing.

Oh, who am I kidding, I'm fucking brilliant.

Enjoy my story.

Oh, and I may have 'borrowed' some ideas and characters from Good Omens and The Mortal Instruments. All these ideas and characters belong to Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett and Cassandra Clare respectively.

Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and Robert Singer. I own nothing. Not even the plot. Not yet, anyway. All I own are my characters and my reality. And I'll let you know when I start owning the plot (this will happen pinky swear).

* * *

It was a sunny Thursday afternoon, and Dean was sitting on the hood of the Impala, drinking a beer while Sam plotted their route with the aid of a large map. All in all an average Thursday afternoon for the Winchesters, which didn't deviate at all from the commonplace when they heard a scream getting louder and louder and looked up towards the source to see someone falling towards them from the sky.

The someone hit the ground a few meters from the Impala, creating a small crater at the point of impact. Dean looked at Sam and Sam looked at Dean. Then, they both shrugged and went over to peer down the crater.

Lying at the bottom was a young woman, mid to late twenties, with her neck and limbs all bent at extremely awkward angles. It was clear she was quite dead. There was absolutely no way she could have survived that fall. She was most definitely not alive.

The woman groaned and turned her head with a sickening crunch of vertebrae realigning. She sat up and straightened out her right arm, then used it to pop first her left shoulder, then both of her legs back into place. The woman stood up. She was tall and athletic, with long, golden-blonde hair and dark eyes. Her face had high cheekbones and strong eyebrows, and she was dressed head to toe in black.

'Well don't just stand there gawping like a pair of lemons. Would either of you intelligent-looking young gentlemen like to tell me where the bloody hell I am?'

She spoke with an English accent.

'Um,' said Dean. 'Nebraska?'

The woman, who had been gazing around with a faintly amused expression, suddenly snapped her head back to him, an expression of unsurprised dismay on her face.

'Nebraska. Brilliant. Which year?'

'2009,' replied Sam.

'Are you okay, Blondie?' Sam shot his brother a weary look.

'I'm Sam, this is my brother, Dean. Who are you?'

'Good question,' she said, folding her arms and tilting her head to the side as if she were giving it a great deal of thought. 'So far, all I know about who I am is that I can apparently survive a lot of broken bones at a time.' She leaned over to get a glimpse of her reflection in the window of the Impala. 'Oh, and apparently I'm stunningly good-looking as well! Lucky me.'

Dean made a face as if to say _'can't disagree there.'_

Sam frowned at her and put a hand on Dean's shoulder.

'Could you give us a minute?'

Blondie shrugged.

'Go for it.'

Sam dragged Dean around to the other side of the Impala.

'Angel?' he said.

'Probably,' said Dean. 'I mean, the chick fell from the sky and has no memories. Remind you of anyone?'

Sam nodded.

'We should call Cas, he might recognise her.'

'I don't,' came Castiel's gravelly voice. He had just appeared next to Dean, and glanced over at the woman. 'She's no Angel.'

'Demon, then?'

Sam raised his eyebrows.

'One way to check…'

Dean nodded and silently drew a flask of holy water out of his jacket, holding it behind his back. The three of them came back round. Blondie cocked her head to one side, looking at Castiel.

'Did you just appear out of thin air? You did, didn't you.' She paused, and frowned. 'Why am I not more surprised at that?'

Dean wasted no time. He flung his hand outwards and the holy water hit the woman square in the face. Her only reaction was to scrunch up her face and blink a little.

'Um, ok. Is that a standard greeting in Nebraska, or-'

She was cut off as Castiel grabbed her hand and nicked her across the arm with a silver blade.

'Ouch! What was that for?'

She looked at him angrily, but the cut had already healed over. She snatched her hand away.

'Well she's not a Demon,' said Castiel, helpfully.

'And the silver rules out a lot of other things,' added Sam, folding his arms. 'But she can heal herself, so she's not human.'

'Demon…silver…' the woman murmured. Her brows knitted for a moment, then she blinked and her expression cleared.

'Do you remember something?' asked Dean. She shook her head.

'No, but the words ring a bell. As if I've heard them before.'

Castiel, meanwhile, was rolling up his sleeve.

'This may sting a little,' he warned, before plunging his hand into his stomach.

'Dude!' exclaimed Dean. The woman screamed and stumbled but Castiel held her up with his other arm. After a few minutes, he withdrew his hand.

'She has a soul,' he confirmed.

Blondie sank to the ground, clutching her stomach and dry-retching.

'Not cool, Cas,' said Dean, glaring at him. Castiel looked over at him.

'I'm sorry, was that not socially acceptable?'

The question was answered when a fist met his cheekbone with a resounding _crunch_ and a yelp of pain from Blondie.

'_Ow, Jesus! _What are you freaking made of, basalt?'

'No,' said Castiel, without a hint of sarcasm. 'I am an Angel of the Lord.'

'Right. And I'm the Devil incarnate.'

'Unfortunately, he's serious,' muttered Dean.

'I'll take your word for it.' She glowered at Castiel. 'I don't suppose my _soul_ told you my name, did it?'

'No.'

'Do you have any ID on you?' asked Sam, helpfully. 'Credit card, driver's license?'

Blondie shrugged and reached into her back pocket, withdrawing a slim black wallet with the word CÉLINEstamped on the front.

'Is that your name?' asked Castiel. Blondie threw him a withering look.

'No, that's the name of the designer who made this wallet.'

She flipped it open and looked at the cards inside.

'So apparently my name's Alessandra Nicholetti...Or Scarlett Aurora...Or Olympia Lenoir…' She snapped the wallet shut. 'Great. I just had to be the sort of person with multiple identities. Right, I like Scarlett. Call me Scarlett.'

Scarlett walked over to the road and looked left and right before turning back to them.

'Is there a diner somewhere? I would kill for a burger right now.'

Dean's stomach suddenly rumbled loudly.

'I like her already,' he muttered. 'Alright, everybody in the car. We can continue this conversation over food.'

* * *

The nearest town was a place called Alliance, where they found a cheap diner and sat down to order.

'I'd like the Baconator with extra bacon and large fries on the side, please,' said Scarlett, upon being asked what she wanted. 'And don't hold back on the cheese, but feel free to go easy on the salad and completely leave out the tomato. Oh, and a strawberry milkshake. Thanks.'

The spotty teenage boy gawped at Scarlett as he wrote down her order. Dean cleared his throat.

'Make that two.'

'And I'll have the chicken caesar salad,' said Sam. Scarlett and Dean both turned their heads to stare at him, unimpressed. 'What? I don't want my heart to explode.'

Scarlett snorted as their waiter left.

'I say live fast, die young and leave a good-looking corpse.' She paused. 'I don't know why I say that.'

'Do you have any memories at all?' asked Dean. 'Your childhood, maybe?'

'Nope, it's like my memories have been wiped clean, but my personality's been left.' She sighed. 'Anyway, do you guys mind filling me in on what's going on with this world? You mentioned Angels and Demons and for some reason I don't find that weird at all which leads me to believe we have the same where I come from.'

'The Devil has escaped from Hell and is trying to bring about the Apocalypse,' Castiel summarised. 'If we don't do something, the world as you know it will end in an all-out war between Heaven and Hell.' Scarlett raised her eyebrows.

'Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine.'

At that point, their spotty waiter returned with their order.

'Can I get you anything else?' he asked in a monotone, staring at Scarlett again.

'No, thank you,' said Dean, eyeing up his burger gleefully.

'If you need anything, just call. My name's Chad,' he blurted, and ran away.

Castiel looked at the place where Chad had just been standing, then at Sam and Dean.

'What's wrong with him?'

'He was probably perturbed by my enchanting beauty,' replied Scarlett, picking up her burger. 'After all, I am absurdly attractive.'

* * *

'I think it's best you stay with us till we can figure out how to restore your memories,' said Sam, as they left the diner. Castiel had unexpectedly left halfway through their meal. 'It's likely that the wrong people might be after you.'

'You guys want to help me? Why?'

'It's what we do,' said Dean, clearing his throat.

'Well...thanks. I'll make it up to you, somehow. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm supposed to help you with something.'

Dean shrugged.

'Who knows, maybe we're supposed to help each other.'

'So what's the plan?'

'Well, Sam and me are working a case, so you sit tight while we take care of that. Then, we'll take you to our friend Bobby, he'll know what to do.'

Scarlett frowned.

'I don't think I like sitting tight...but fine. Where will I be doing this tight sitting?'

'At the motel. We'll salt up the doors and exits, make sure nothing nasty comes in.'

'Ah, well in that case-'she stopped at a cash point and pulled her wallet out of her pocket. 'I'm gonna need some cash.'

She slotted her card in and punched in her PIN, then stopped.

'How'd I know my PIN number?' she muttered.

'Muscle memory?' supplied Sam. Scarlett nodded, then turned her attention back to the screen.

'Oh!' she exclaimed. The number on the screen under 'BALANCE' was extremely long. Several figures long, in fact. 'And apparently I'm loaded. Isn't that a pleasant surprise. In that case, I'm paying for all of us until further notice.'

'What? No!' exclaimed Dean. 'You don't have to do that!'

'Don't be stupid,' she said, withdrawing a couple hundred dollars. 'What the hell else am I supposed to do with this stuff? Buy a yacht?'

She pocketed her engorged wallet and they set off again.

'Thanks,' Dean muttered.

'Yeah, thanks,' repeated Sam.

They arrived at a motel and paid for a two bedroom apartment. As soon as they reached the room, Sam and Dean went to change into suits, and Scarlett flopped down on the bed, her bones aching from her fall. How had she survived that, and how did she get here? She sincerely hoped that the recovery of her memories would aid in answering those questions.

'Right, we're going out. Don't leave this room and don't open the door to anyone but us.'

'Alright, _dad_.' She rolled her eyes. 'I'll just chill here, then.'

Dean nodded once.

'Good.'

The brothers left, leaving Scarlett by herself. With nothing better to do and, deciding that she really needed it, Scarlett took a nap.

* * *

Sam and Dean were in and out throughout the day with various bits and pieces of information and clues, the most notable being the buzzer that effectively cooked a large ham. The attacks all had something to do with myths children believed in, like the tooth fairy, and itching powder making you claw your brains out.

'Right,' said Sam, spreading a map onto the table. 'I found something. All the attacks were located within a two mile radius.'

'So we've got a blast zone of weird? What's in the centre?'

'Four acres of farmland and a house.'

'Our motel isn't in that circle by any chance?'

'It is,' said Scarlett, peering at the map over Dean's shoulder. 'Why?'

'Uhh…' He held up his hand. On his palm was a thick coating of hair. Scarlett snorted loudly while Sam made a face.

'_Dude_.'

'What? I got bored.'

'You know you can go blind from that too?' Scarlett choked.

'Shuddup. Gimme five minutes, we'll go check out the house.'

'Do _not_ use my razor!' Sam called after him.

* * *

Scarlett was bored. It had been three hours since Sam and Dean had left, and there was physically no way she could sleep any more. She was lying on the bed, watching terrible TV and trying to jog her memories with a one-woman game of word association when she heard a whooshing sound, like the rustle of wings. She jumped off the bed and grabbed the knife Dean had left her, poised to throw it, but relaxed when she saw Castiel.

'Oh, it's you,' she said, dropping the knife onto the bedside table. 'What do you want?'

Castiel cocked his head to one side.

'You dislike me.'

'In my defence, you did cut me and shove your hand into my stomach within a minute of meeting me. Not a stellar first impression, as they go. Also, you speak like you have an enormous stick up your arse.'

'So I've been told. Where are Sam and Dean? They called me.'

'They're out.'

'Good. I'll wait for them here.'

Scarlett took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

'Great. Do you want some tea?'

'I am an Angel of the Lord. I do not require sustenance.'

'I said _want_, halo-boy. Not _need_.'

'My name is Castiel.'

'I care _so_ much. Now do you _want_ some tea or not?'

Slowly, Castiel nodded. Scarlett switched the kettle on and put teabags into two chipped mugs.

'Milk and sugar?'

'I don't know.'

'Two black teas coming right up, then. Just as well, really. There's no milk or sugar. Ham?' she added on reflection, nodding at the roast Dean had left on the table. Castiel shook his head.

'How did you know how to throw that knife?'

'What do you mean?'

'When I came in. You were about to throw the knife at me, and correctly. How did you know?'

Scarlett shrugged and went to pour hot water into their mugs.

'Muscle memory,' she recalled Sam's earlier explanation. 'Maybe I'm a trained killer.'

She set Castiel's mug down on the table and took a sip from her own without thinking.

'Mm!' she exclaimed as the boiling tea scalded her throat. 'Ow that-' She stopped as she felt a sudden numbness overcome the pain, followed by a barely noticeable dull ache. '-hurt?' she finished, looking confused.

'Are you alright?'

'Yeah, I- I think I burnt myself and then healed it.'

'You seem to have regenerative power.' He took a sip from his own mug. 'This is…a very enjoyable beverage.'

Scarlett smiled at him for the first time since they'd met, tipping her chair back on its two back legs.

'Well if you like tea, you can't be all bad,' she muttered, more to herself than to him.

At that point, the door opened, admitting the brothers Winchester.

'I take it you got our message?' said Dean.

'It's lucky you found the boy,' replied Castiel, standing up.

'Yeah, lucky. What do we do with him?'

'Kill him.'

'_Excuse me_?' exclaimed Scarlett, her chair crashing back down to all fours. 'How old is this boy?'

'This child is half-Demon and half human, but far more powerful than either,' Cas pressed on, ignoring her. 'Other cultures call this hybrid Cambion or Katako. You know him as the Antichrist.'

He sat back down onto a different chair and let rip what sounded like a loud and extremely long fart. Scarlett and Dean fought to keep straight faces. Sam looked unimpressed. When it was finished, Castiel pulled a whoopee cushion out from beneath him.

'That wasn't me,' he said, seriously.

'Who put that there?' grinned Dean as Scarlett gave up, let out a loud snort of laughter and got up to refill her mug.

'Anyways, I don't get it,' said Sam, ignoring Dean and Scarlett. 'Jesse is the Devil's son?'

'No, of course not,' replied Castiel. 'Your Bible gets more wrong than it does right. The Antichrist is not Lucifer's child.'

Scarlett turned around slowly, her brows furrowed.

'Lucifer…' she muttered. 'Lucifer…the morning star…' Suddenly, she gasped, her expression clearing. '_Morgenstern_.'

The mug slipped from her fingers and shattered against the floor, tea spilling everywhere. Her eyes were wide and her mouth slack, as if she'd seen a ghost. Then, she shook her head violently, blinking furiously. When she stopped and opened her eyes, they had gone from a murky brown to bright gold, as if a wall had been lifted inside her mind. There was a smile on her face.

'_I remember_.' Then, her eyes narrowed. 'Carlel Devereux, you _son of a bitch._' She turned to the others.

'My name is Callisto Azrael. Cal. I was sent here by a friend of mine, presumably for my own safety, though what right _he _has to decide that for me, I do not know. I'm a Demon hunter, just like you two, only a little bit...turbo-charged.'

Dean raised an eyebrow.

'Turbo-charged?'

'You know. Superhuman. Ability to regenerate any and all injuries, impossible to kill. The usual.'

'Really?'

'Where I come from, it is…Anyway, glad to have my brain back, we need to find the Antichrist now.'

'We are not killing a kid!' exclaimed Sam.

'Of course we aren't!' said Callisto, brightly. 'I have a guy.'

'You have…a guy?' asked Castiel, looking incredulous.

'Yeah, you probably know him, actually. Chap called Aziraphale?'

Castiel raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

'A commendable choice of...guy.'

'Yes. Now I just need to give him a buzz…Can I borrow someone's phone?' Sam extended his Blackberry to her. She dialled a number and held it up to her ear. 'Hey, Aziraphale!…I'm good, hun, and you?…Yeah? How's the bookstore?…Good good. So listen, you know how we dealt with the last Antichrist and you said they'd make another one?…Yeah, well, we've found the new kid.'

There was a rustle of wings and an angel appeared in the room. This one was a man in his thirties, with dark hair and blue eyes. He was wearing a fur-lined coat.

'Callisto, _darling_.' They kissed each other's cheeks. 'The Winchesters, always a pleasure. And Castiel! Good to see you, brother.'

'And you, Aziraphale.' The two of them embraced briefly. Then, Aziraphale clapped his hands together.

'Right, to business, shall we? Take me to the Antichrist.'

'You're not gonna kill him, are you?'

'My dear Sam, why would I do that? No, I'm just going to make sure he grows in the right direction, so when the time comes, he uses his powers for good, and uses them correctly. Now, the address, if you please?'

Dean looked over to Castiel.

'Cas, you trust this guy?'

'Yes.'

He scrawled something on a piece of paper and handed it over. Aziraphale smiled brightly.

'Cheers, I'll be off then. Winchesters, it's been lovely to meet you; I'm sure I'll see you again. Castiel.' They shook hands. 'Cal, take care of yourself, love.' He hugged her and kissed the top of her head, then stepped back and vanished in a rustle of wings.

Callisto clapped her hands together.

'Sorted,' she said. 'Consider the Antichrist taken care of; he's done this before.'

'Wait, there's been an Antichrist before?' asked Dean. Callisto nodded, slicing off a sliver of ham and popping it in her mouth.

'Back in the nineties, there was this kid called Adam in Tadfield.'

'Where?'

'Exactly. Anyway, long story short, Aziraphale's already managed to avert one apocalypse.'

'Stopping the Antichrist won't avert the apocalypse,' said Castiel. 'We need to kill Lucifer.'

Callisto snorted.

'Ok brilliant. I'll just lock and load, pop over to his house and shoot him in his sleep, shall I? Or do you think poison would work better?'

'I'm serious. If we had the Colt-'

'But we don't,' said Sam. 'Lilith has the Colt.'

'Yeah,' added Dean. 'Because that bitch Bela gave it to her.'

'Well then,' said Callisto, standing up and stretching. 'Whoever Lilith and Bela are, and whatever this Colt is, we'd better track it down. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an angry call to make. Er...can I borrow your phone again, Sam?' He handed it over to her with a nod. 'Cheers.'

She went into the corner of the room before dialling.

_Hello?_

'Carlel,' she began, in saccharine tones. 'Darling.'

_Ah. Cals. I see you've regained your memories. That was quick._

'I have, no thanks to you.' Her voice took on a harder edge.

_It was for your own protection! _

'Oh for God's sake, Carlel, what's he going to do to me? Shoot me? Because that's proven _so_ effective in the past.'

_Don't be thick, Azrael. If anyone can figure out a way to dampen your abilities, it's Maximilian Summer, and he's after you specifically, right now._

Callisto let out a frustrated groan.

'Do you even know where and when you've sent me?!'

_No, and I don't want to. Knowing where you are puts people in danger. _

'Fine, but just know that there are Angels and Demons here too, and I don't have any weapons worth a damn.'

_You have you. _

'Helpful as always, Devereux.'

_It's why you love me._

'I really don't.'

_You love me with the force of a thousand suns._

'I'm hanging up now.'

_Kisses, keep me posted._

'Blow it out your ass, Carlel.'

_Love you too._

Callisto hung up and gave the phone back to Sam, rolling her eyes. Castiel had disappeared, leaving the three of them to plan their next move.


	2. The moderately helpful demon

A witch card-player, Archangel Gabriel and frankly terrifying Supernatural fan convention later, and Team Free Will had a clue to go on.

'Bela didn't give the Colt to Lilith,' said Sam. 'She gave it to a Demon named Crowley.'

Callisto choked on the tea she was drinking.

'_Crowley?_'

Castiel turned to her.

'You know him?'

'Yeah. We don't get on,' she said, shortly.

'How?' asked Dean, suspiciously.

'He, uh, helped us out a bit with the last apocalypse. Common interests, and all that. He and Aziraphale have been…close…for a while.'

Dean snorted. Sam raised his eyebrows but said nothing. Castiel merely said,

'I will find him.' And disappeared.

A couple of minutes later, Dean's phone rang. He picked it up.

_The Demon Crowley is making a deal. Even as we speak, it's…going...down._

Callisto snorted and leaned back against the Impala's hood.

'Going down?' Dean looked incredulous. 'Ok, huggy bear, just don't lose him.'

_I won't lose him. _There was a pause. _I followed him. It's not far, but…It's layered in Enochian warding magic…I can't get in._

'That's okay,' said Dean. 'You did great, we'll take it from here.'

He hung up and turned to the others.

'We've got a hit on Crowley. Let's go.'

They pulled up a few meters away from the gate.

'This plan is ridiculous,' said Callisto, for the umpteenth time.

'Don't be silly, no one can resist a damsel in distress,' said Dean, clicking his tongue and winking. Callisto rolled her eyes and got out of the car, tugging at the hem of her minidress. She walked up to the gate and pressed the intercom.

'Hello? My car broke down, I need some help.'

'Stay there, we'll be down in a minute.'

A couple of seconds later, the gate opened with a metallic squeak. With a look over her shoulder, Callisto began to walk up the driveway. Two men in suits came down to meet her.

'Evening, pretty lady,' said one. 'Why don't you get yourself on in here?'

Callisto smiled.

'I just need to make a call,' she said, coyly.

'You don't need to call anyone, baby,' said the man. 'We're the only help you're ever gonna need.'

'You know what? I think I'll just wait by my car, actually.' She turned to walk away but the man's hand came down on her shoulder.

'We said, get your ass in here.'

What happened next happened very fast. Callisto grabbed the man's wrist and turned around, twisting his arm behind his back. With her other hand, she pulled a knife out of her bra band and plunged it into his neck. Without hesitating, she wrenched the knife out and threw it at the other man. It buried itself in his chest.

Within seconds, both Demons were lying dead on the ground.

Sam and Dean came up behind her.

'Where did you learn to-'

'The government,' said Callisto, walking briskly up the driveway. 'Long story.'

They stole into the house through the back door. Sam drew a hasty devil's trap under one of the rugs while Callisto cut the power. They didn't have to wait long before they heard footsteps coming down the hall.

'It's Crowley, right?' asked Sam. The Demon came to a standstill just before the Chosen Rug.

'So, the Hardy boys finally found me,' he said, sounding unimpressed. 'Took you long enough.'

He paused, catching sight of the rumpled rug. He bent down and turned over the corner, then looked up.

'Do you have any idea,' he said, 'how much this rug costs?'

'Probably about the same as that vase you shattered, so I'd say we're even,' said Callisto, stepping forward. She didn't get far. Three Demons seized them from behind. Sam and Dean struggled, but Callisto stayed perfectly still and rolled her eyes.

'Callisto,' Crowley smiled. 'Lovely to see you.'

'Crowley. Always a pleasure.'

'How long's it been? What, fifteen years?'

'About that, yeah.'

'So how did you end up with Tweedledum and Tweedledumber?' He inclined his head towards Dean.

'Long story short, Maximilian Summer's out for my blood.'

Crowley winced.

'I don't envy you, love.' He clapped his hands. 'To business. This is it?' He picked up the Colt. 'This is what it's all about.'

Crowley swung his arm up, pointing the gun at Dean's head. He thumbed back the hammer. Then, he moved his arm three inches to the left and fired. The bullet hit the Demon holding Dean. Crowley fired twice more, killing the other two Demons. They stared at him.

'We need to talk,' he said. 'Privately.'

He led them into his study and shut the door. Sam and Callisto exchanged baffled looks as they walked down the corridor.

'Ok, what the hell is this?' asked Dean. Crowley sighed patiently.

'I forget that you two are, at best, functioning morons.'

'You're functioning…morons…' responded Dean, in that sharp and clever way that only he knew how. Crowley ignored him.

'I want you to take this and empty it into Lucifer's face.'

'Oh, my God,' groaned Callisto. 'Is he _still_ butthurt over the whole averting the apocalypse thing?'

'Just a little. Lucifer's not my greatest fan at the moment.' He turned back to Sam and Dean. 'Lucifer isn't a Demon, remember? He's an Angel. An Angel famous for his hatred of humankind. He sees you as…filthy bags of pus-'

'Charming,' muttered Callisto.

'-and if he sees humans like that, what must he think of us?'

'But he created you,' said Sam. Crowley shrugged.

'To him we're…servants. Cannon fodder. If Lucifer manages to exterminate humankind…We're next. So, what do you say? How about I give you this-' he held out the Colt, '-and you go kill the Devil for me, huh?'

There was a silent pause. Crowley wiggled the gun encouragingly, a winning smile on his face. Sam reached out slowly and took it.

'Ok,' he said.

'Great,' beamed Crowley.

'You, uh...Wouldn't happen to know where the devil is, by any chance, would you?'

'Thursday. A little birdie told me he has an appointment in Carthage, Missouri.'

'Great. Thanks.'

He raised the gun to Crowley's head and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. There was an awkward pause.

'Oh yeah, right, you probably need some ammunition.' Crowley went over to his desk and rifled through his drawers.

'Um, if you don't mind me asking, aren't you signing your own death warrant?' asked Dean. 'I mean, what if we go up against Lucifer and lose?'

'One - he's going to wipe us all out anyway. Two - the minute you three leave, I'm going on an extended vacation, all points nowhere, and three - _HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T MISS. MORONS._'

He tossed the pack of ammunition to Callisto, who caught it.

'In fact,' said Crowley. 'How about you just let Azrael over there take care of it? If you want a job done right, ask a government-trained assassin.'

Dean turned to Callisto.

'You're an assassin?'

Callisto gave Crowley a look.

'Spill all my secrets, why don't you, mate?' She turned to Dean. 'Used to be. Again, long story. Let's go. Crowley, I would say it's been a pleasure but, let's face it, I don't understand how Aziraphale's tolerated you for six thousand years.'

'Likewise, Azrael. Likewise. Now get the bloody hell out of my house, all three of you.'

The three of them went back to Bobby's, where Jo and Ellen were waiting. Callisto, having acquired an iPhone (albeit a 3GS - she would never forgive Carlel for sending her back in time four years), called Castiel, and he appeared a minute later.

Santana's 'Oye como va' was playing in the background and Sam and Dean were researching in the next room.

'So tell me again,' said Ellen, as she poured out shots of whiskey. 'Where did you come from?'

'Alternate reality London, 2013. Different world, same Angels and Demons.'

'Dean tells me you were a government assassin,' said Jo. Callisto choked on her tea.

'Oh for God's sake. When did he have time to tell you that?'

'I think you were in the bathroom.'

'You were a government assassin?' asked Castiel. Callisto rolled her eyes and put her mug down.

'For a bit. Yes. I was a government assassin. Let's get over this, shall we?'

'Quit hounding the girl,' said Ellen. 'I wanna see Angel-boy drink.'

Callisto clapped her hands together, grinning.

'Yessss.' She pushed six shot glasses in front of Castiel. 'Let's do this.'

'Three…' counted Jo. 'Two…One…_Go_.'

Castiel calmly downed the six shots, one after the other. When he was finished, he paused, then said,

'I think I'm starting to feel something.'

Jo snorted. Callisto laughed. Callisto had a nice laugh, Castiel noticed. It was something about the way her eyes crinkled at the corners. It made him want to make her laugh more.

'Callisto, your turn!' said Jo, pushing shots towards her. 'You have your regeneration thing. Enough with this tea thing.'

'Alright,' she said, grinning. 'I could drink the lot of you under the table anyway.'

And with a wink at Cas, she downed the shots in quick succession to cheers from Ellen and Jo.

'My fingertips,' Callisto held up a hand, wiggling them. 'They're tingling.'

'So does that make Castiel Gimli, or…' Jo laughed as she got up to get a beer from the fridge.

'I'd make an amazing elf!' Callisto called after her. Castiel just looked puzzled.

'Oh honey, you have a lot of pop culture to catch up on,' said Ellen, standing up. 'Callisto can start you off, I'm gonna go talk to Bobby.'

Callisto slid into Ellen's seat to sit opposite Cas.

'So that was from a movie called Lord of the Rings, based on the greatest books ever written,' she explained. Castiel listened with rapt attention. 'Four Hobbits, two Men, an Elf, a Dwarf and a Wizard. Their mission? Deliver the One Ring to Mordor and cast it into the fires of Mount Doom. We'll have to watch it sometime.'

At that point, Bobby's voice called from the study.

'Everybody, get in here! It's time for the lineup.' They came in to see him setting up an ancient Pentax. 'Usual suspects in the corner.'

'Oh, come on, Bobby,' said Ellen. 'Nobody wants their picture taken.'

'Hear hear,' said Sam.

'Shut up,' growled Bobby. 'You're drinkin' my beer. Anyway, I'm gonna need somethin' to remember your sorry asses by.'

'Always good to have an optimist around,' Ellen commented as they grouped up. Callisto stood in front of Sam, arms around Ellen and Castiel. She was tall, but barely came up to Sam's chest.

'Bobby's right,' said Castiel. 'Tomorrow, we hunt the Devil. This is our last night on Earth.'

Callisto turned to glare at Cas, and at that point, the camera went off.

It was late, and everyone had gone to sleep. Callisto lay awake on the couch she'd been assigned, staring at the ceiling. Careful not to wake Dean, who was passed out on the adjacent couch, she got up and padded to the kitchen. She was just in the process of making herself a salami, ham and bacon sandwich when she heard a voice behind her.

'Can't sleep?'

She turned around; Castiel stood on the other side of the counter. Callisto shrugged.

'I was hungry.'

'Are you nervous about tomorrow?'

Callisto buttered the second slice of bread and placed it carefully atop her smoked meat mountain.

'For myself? No.' She put the plate and a mug of tea onto the counter and sat down opposite Castiel. 'I mean, what can Lucifer do to me?'

'Explode you into a million pieces,' said Cas, with a straight face. Callisto shrugged, taking a bite of her sandwich and chewing thoughtfully.

'I'd just put myself back together,' she said, finally. 'Nothing can kill me.'

'How do you know that?'

She paused, staring down at he plate. Then, she looked up at him.

'I've been…experimented on.'

'By whom?'

'Long story,' she said, taking a another bite.

'You always say that,' said Cas. 'But you never explain anything.'

Callisto swallowed.

'Some other time,' she said. 'What about you? Last time I checked, Heaven was one hundred per cent pro-apocalypse. So why are you helping prevent it?'

Castiel stared at her with those ridiculously blue eyes. Callisto matched his gaze, taking a gulp of her tea.

'I rebelled against Heaven,' he said, 'Because Sam and Dean showed me that I could. That I didn't have to do what others say without knowing why they're saying it.'

'You rebelled against Heaven?' She paused, mug halfway to her mouth again. 'That's hot.'

Cas didn't know how to respond to that, so instead contented himself with watching Callisto drink her tea. She raised an eyebrow at him.

'Do I have something on my face?'

'No.'

'Then why are you staring at me?'

'I don't know.'

'Awesome. You want some tea?'

'Yes, please.'

Callisto poured some into a mug and slid it over the counter, then checked her watch, an ancient, leather-strapped thing, made for a man.

'Two in the morning,' she muttered. 'We gotta be up in four hours.'

Castiel downed his tea in one gulp. Callisto winced.

'What?' he asked.

'You have to…You have to _enjoy_ the tea,' she said, a pained expression on her face. 'You can't just knock it back like a shot.'

'I'm sorry. Have I offended you?'

Callisto laughed silently, her hand covering her mouth. She shook her head.

'No, you idiot. Here.' She poured him another mug. 'Slowly, yes? Savour the flavour.'

He looked at her and smiled. She grinned back.

'You don't dislike me anymore.'

Callisto shrugged.

'I'm not one to hold grudges.'

'You still dislike Crowley.'

'Yes, well, Crowley's never given me a reason not to. You're actually not too intolerable, once you get past the part where you shoved your hand into my chest the first time you met me.'

'I am sorry about that.'

'Apology accepted, halo-boy.' She rubbed her eyes.

'You're tired,' said Castiel. Callisto nodded.

'Really tired. But I can't sleep.'

'I could…I could help you. Put you to sleep until tomorrow morning, then wake you.'

Callisto bit her lip in an incredibly attractive way and frowned, thinking it over.

'Does it involve your hand entering my torso?'

'No. I tap you on the head.

'Oh. Ok then.'

They both stood and Castiel walked round the counter to her, his hand coming up.

'Hang on, let me get to my-'

But it was too late. Castiel's fingertips tapped her forehead and he caught her as she crumpled.


	3. The Devil's a Dick

**A/N: **Sorry this one took so long - I've literally written 107 pages of this fanfiction but couldn't be bothered to write this chapter for like months because that's how I roll. BUT this means that I can now update super regularly. ALSO I've edited the first two chapters a bit, so do re-read those if you'd like a recap.

* * *

The day started bright and early. Much too bright and early, in fact, for Callisto's liking.

'Can't we kill Lucifer in the, I don't know, late afternoon? Early evening? Midnight?' she grumbled as she plaited her hair and threw weapons into a duffle bag.

'Nope,' said Bobby, who was overseeing their departure. 'The Devil doesn't sleep.'

'Neither did I, much,' she muttered.

They left the house and piled into Ellen's car, with the exception of Sam and Dean, who took the Impala as usual. The minute the car drove off, Callisto put her head on Castiel's shoulder, and promptly dropped off.

* * *

'Callisto…Callisto, wake up, we're here.'

Callisto opened her eyes to see Castiel looking down at her. He was gently shaking her by the shoulder. She blinked a few times and looked out of the window. They had indeed arrived at a desolate-looking town with desolate-looking buildings and desolate-looking weather.

'Brilliant,' she said, brightly. 'I just had a great morning's sleep.'

What she didn't know was that Castiel had spent the entire seven-and-a-half-hour drive making sure that she didn't wake up by compensating for every change in direction and shift in centripetal force they encountered along the way.

'I'm glad,' was all he said, before appearing outside the car and opening the door for her. She raised an eyebrow as she got out.

'What a gentleman.'

He opened his mouth to respond, then froze, looking around him.

'What is it, Cas?' asked Ellen.

'This town's not empty,' he said. 'Reapers.'

'Reapers? As in more than one?'

'They only gather like this at times of great catastrophe - Chicago fire, San Francisco quake…Pompeii. Excuse me, I need to find out why they're here.'

He wandered off across the road. Callisto, who couldn't see anyone any better than Jo or Ellen could, grimaced.

'That doesn't sound promising,' she muttered. 'I'll go with Cas, you guys find Sam and Dean.'

She strode across the road after him but by the time she caught up, he had teleported himself inside one of the houses. Callisto groaned in frustration and scanned the windows, hoping to find a clue as to exactly which house he had disappeared into. She didn't have to look for long; she caught sight of Castiel looking out of the window of a tall, grey house. Drawing her gun with one hand and sliding a knife out of her other sleeve, she hurried up the front steps to the front door which was, unsurprisingly, locked. The town was eerily silent, and Callisto didn't want to break that silence by bodyslamming the door into submission, so settled instead for the set of lockpicks she often carried in her jacket.

Silently, she crept down the corridor and up the stairs, her boots making no noise on the thick carpet of dust. She held her gun out in front of her, resting her hand on her wrist. Her other hand held the knife. As she reached the first floor of the house, she heard the sudden roar of a small fire igniting, and Castiel's voice almost immediately afterwards.

'Lucifer.'

Callisto froze, swallowing. Talking about killing the Devil was one thing - actually meeting him was a little more frightening a prospect than she'd imagined.

_He can't hurt you, _she told herself. _You're indestructible. Nothing can hurt you._

Bracing herself, she crept further along towards the sound of voices coming from a room.

'Castiel, right?' An unfamiliar voice spoke. Lucifer's. 'I'm told you came here in an automobile.'

There was a slightly strained pause.

'Yes,' replied Cas, a note of confusion in his voice.

'What was that like?' His Infernal Majesty sounded genuinely curious.

'Slow. Confining.'

'What a peculiar thing you are.'

Another pause. Callisto took this time to press herself against the wall by the doorway into a room where Castiel was standing in a ring of fire, talking to a blonde man casually dressed in jeans and a buttoned shirt.

'What happened to your vessel?' asked Cas. Callisto squinted, her heightened eyesight picking up the blisters on Lucifer's face. A trypophobe's nightmare.

'Yes, um…Nick is wearing a bit thin, I'm afraid,' he said, conversationally. 'He can't contain me forever, so-'

'You-' Castiel made to lunge at Lucifer, but stopped short at the wall of flames by his feet. He stepped back and composed himself. 'You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won't let you.'

A small smile played around Lucifer's lips.

'Castiel,' he said. 'I don't understand why you're fighting _me_. Of all the angels!'

'You really have to ask?'

'I rebelled, I was cast out. _You _rebelled, you were cast out! Almost all of Heaven wants to see me dead, and if they succeed, guess what?' He paused for dramatic effect. 'You're their new public enemy number one.'

Callisto bit her lip. She'd had no idea things between Cas and Heaven were that serious.

'We're on the same side, like it or not,' continued Lucifer. 'So, why not serve your best interests? Which, in this case, just happen to be mine.'

'I'll die first,' said Castiel, at once. Lucifer regarded him with something akin to disappointment.

'I suppose you will.'

Cal had heard enough. She strode into the room, gun out, though what she expected a Magnum .45 to do against the Devil, she had no idea.

'Callisto!' Castiel's hoarse voice was laden with surprise. She flashed him a bright smile, and turned to Lucifer.

'Let him go,' she said, jerking her head at Cas. Lucifer looked at her, then promptly burst out laughing. Callisto didn't like this. Most people who laughed at her, laughed at her once. Just once. She rolled her eyes and tucked her gun back into her thigh holster, still keeping a grip on the knife.

'Yeah, ok, laugh it up,' she muttered. 'You done yet?'

'And just who are you?' asked Lucifer, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes.

'Callisto Azrael.'

'Oh, Azrael?' He clapped slowly. 'The Angel of Death cometh! Not _quite _the one I was looking for, but… You'll do.'

He waved his hand, almost lazily. Callisto was thrown across a room and pinned halfway up the wall by a great invisible force. She grunted in a mixture of frustration and pain.

'I fucking _hate_ this dimension,' she complained. Keeping her pinned, Lucifer now turned his attention to the woman who had just walked in. She had dark hair and a pale, round face with thin lips pulled back in a mocking smile. Callisto instantly disliked her.

'I got the Winchesters pinned down,' she said. 'For now, at least. What should I do with them?'

Lucifer regarded her thoughtfully, stroking his chin.

'Leave them alone,' he said, finally.

'I-I'm sorry, but are you sure? Shouldn't we-'

'Trust me child.' He stepped forwards and, almost lovingly, laid his hands either side of the demon's face. 'Everything happens for a reason.' He turned around. 'Well, Castiel, you have some time. Time to change your mind. And don't forget - Meg interned with Alastair in the Pit.'

Callisto had no idea who Meg or Alastair were, but she had a feeling she was about to find out. Lucifer left, and the demon - who she assumed was Meg - turned to her, smiling. Callisto didn't like that smile one bit.

'If we can't make you see sense through logical argument, Clarence,' she said. 'Maybe we'll have to find other ways to persuade you.' She raised a hand and clenched her fist. Intense agony shot through Callisto with a sickening crunching sound; she felt as if her internal organs were being put through a blender and her spine was being shattered into a million pieces with a small hammer. A scream escaped her, but she quickly shut her mouth, biting down on her lip so hard that she drew blood.

'Stop that,' growled Castiel. 'Let her go, she has nothing to do with this.'

'But it's so fun!' Meg clapped her hands together gleefully.

'Cas, ignore me,' gasped Callisto. 'I'll be fine, just figure out a way to get out of- AAAARGH!' She screamed again as her ribs cracked one by one, piercing her heart and lungs. Blood found its way up her throat, choking her. She spat it out, her eyes watering. Beads of sweat had formed on her forehead and were dripping down her face.

'Meg, _stop_,' Castiel commanded. 'If you let her go, I'll-'

'_No_,' snarled Callisto, wiping blood off her chin with the back of her hand. 'I swear, Cas, if you do anything that psycho says-'

She cut off as a large pipe suddenly swung down from the ceiling, hitting Meg square in the back of the head and pushing her straight through the fire into Castiel's arms. Callisto dropped down to the floor and lay there in a crumpled heap as her organs healed. Castiel, hand poised on Meg's forehead to smite her, looked confused. Meg laughed.

'You can't gank demons, can you? You're cut off from the home office and you ain't got the juice. So what can you do, you impotent sap?'

'I can do this.'

He pushed her away from himself and she fell onto the fire, breaking the ring. Castiel stepped over her body, ignoring the screams. He knelt down beside Callisto.

'Are you alright?'

'Peachy,' she grunted, sitting up and taking a deep breath. 'Yep, lungs are in order, let's go.'

She stood up and stumbled, her shoulder hitting the wall. Castiel grabbed her arm to steady her and teleported them back to the street. He placed his hands on her shoulders and tilted his head to the side, squinting slightly as he examined her. There was dried blood on her lip where she had bitten it, but no wound. She looked a little shaken, but otherwise seemed in excellent health. Still, he couldn't easily forget the sound of her screams when Meg had tortured her.

'I'm so sorry,' he said, finally. Cal shook her head.

'Not your fault. Let's go find the others.'

'Callisto-'

'I'm fine,' she snapped. Then, seeing his hurt expression, she softened. 'I'm fine,' she repeated, more gently. 'We need to find Sam and Dean.'

Castiel nodded, and took her hand. They appeared in a clump of bushes, where Sam and Dean were kneeling. Dean's head whipped around at their arrival, and Cas pressed a finger to his lips.

Next thing they knew, they were outside the Impala.

'Drive, Dean,' said Castiel. Dean wasted no time in revving the engine as they all piled into the car.

'Wait, where are Jo and Ellen?' asked Callisto as they sped off towards the motorway. Sam turned around in his seat to look at her, his expression full of anguish. Her blood grew cold. 'No-'

'Hellhounds,' he said. 'They died saving us.'

'No!' Cal clapped a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide. Guilt flooded through her; if she'd been there she could have prevented their deaths, could have saved them. Castiel seemed to read her mind, because he placed his hand on top of hers.

'Don't blame yourself,' he said. 'There's nothing you could have done.'

Callisto shook her head and folded herself up as small as she could. There was always something she could have done.


	4. The Sexually Frustrated Angel

**A/N:** I couldn't resist uploading this straight after chapter three - it's definitely my favourite chapter so far, and you're about to find out why ;)

* * *

Sam came into the motel room, bearing burgers.

'How'd it go?' asked Dean.

'No EMF, no sulfur, so ghost possession and Demonic possession are definitely out.'

'Hm. That's where i was putting my money.'

'Nope.'

'What then? Oh, dude. At the coroner's, you should have seen these bodies.'

'They started eating and just. Didn't. Stop,' said Callisto, shuddering.

'I mean, their stomachs were full.'

'Like, Christmas dinner full.'

'Talk about co-dependent.'

After finding out that Lucifer had summoned Death, they had decided to completely disregard this fact in favour of working normal cases. This one involved two people who had apparently eaten each other to death. Was it gory? Yes. Did it make a shred of sense? No.

'Well, I'll work on the files, so you can get going,' said Sam, pulling the laptop towards himself.

'What?' asked Dean.

'Go on, unleash the Kraken.'

'Where am I going?'

'Dean, it's Valentine's day. Your favourite holiday, remember? What do you always call it? Unattached drifter Christmas?'

Callisto snorted, taking three beers out from the fridge and handing them out.

'He's got a point, you know,' she said. 'The bars will be crawling with desperate single chicks.' She paused. 'I might join you, actually.'

'I dunno,' said Dean. 'Guess I'm not feeling it this year- wait what?'

'What 'what'?'

'Did you just say you wanted to go after desperate single chicks? You're into chicks?'

Callisto shrugged.

'Not emotionally. And only if they're hot.'

'Fair enough.'

Sam was still staring at Dean as if he'd grown an extra head, and some antlers for good measure.

'It's when a dog doesn't eat,' he said, 'that you really know something's wrong.'

'Remarkably patronising concern,' replied Dean. 'Duly noted. Come on, let's do some work.'

Callisto stood up.

'You guys mind if I opt out? I haven't been laid in God knows how long, and hot single women _are_ most likely to experiment on V-Day. I also wouldn't say no to a hot, single man. Or a hot, not single man; I'm not really fussy, as long as they're attractive.'

'Remarkable,' Sam muttered. 'We have a new old-Dean. Go on.'

Callisto grinned, shrugging on her leather jacket.

'Don't call me unless it's an emergency.'

* * *

_This better be good, Winchester. I'm about to get laid._

'There's been another double suicide.' There was a pause on the other end of the line. Dean could hear the thump of music and the chatter of people talking and flirting.

_Fine. Fine! I'll meet you at the morgue._

The line clicked and the phone went dead.

* * *

'These morons picked a fine time for a double suicide,' Callisto fumed as she stalked through the double doors of the morgue, Sam and Dean all but running to keep up. 'Some people are _so_ inconsiderate.' She stopped in front of the terrified-looking mortician and folded her arms expectantly.

'Agent Callow, Agent Marley,' he greeted them.

'Dr. Corman, this is my partner, Special Agent Cliff.' Sam and the mortician shook hands.

'You mind if we take a look at the bodies?' asked Sam.

'Not at all.' He opened a freezer to reveal several tupperware boxes of organs. 'Their good 'n' plenties are all boxed up for you. And please, gentlemen,' he put on his hat. 'Refrigerate after opening.'

And with that elegant parting repartée, he left.

Half an hour later, and the three of them were knee-deep in blood and guts…figuratively speaking. In reality it was more halfway-up-to-their-elbows-deep, but that didn't quite have the same ring to it.

'Hey Sam.' Dean pushed a heart towards him. 'Be my Valentine?'

Callisto chuckled while Sam rolled his eyes, unimpressed. Then, suddenly, he grabbed the heart, pulled it towards him and tore off the lid from another box. Dean and Cal stared at each other, identical expressions of do-you-know-what-he's-doing-because-I-don't on their faces.

'Guys, look,' he said, urgently. 'These hearts both have the same symbol etched into them.' He inspected them under the magnifying glass. 'Oh...no.'

'What?' asked Callisto, craning her neck to get a closer look.

'I think…I think it's in Enochian.'

'What, like Angel scratches?' asked Dean. 'So you think it's like the tagging on our ribs.'

Sam shook his head.

'I dunno.'

'Well good thing we know someone who does, then,' muttered Callisto, stripping off a glove and taking out her phone. She wandered around the room as the call connected.

'Cas, it's Callisto. Can you come to room 31C, basement level, St. James' medical centre.'

She stopped short as Castiel appeared not three inches in front of her.

'I'm there now.'

Callisto gave him an unimpressed look as his voice echoed through his phone.

'I can see that.'

'I'm gonna hang up now.'

'You do that.'

'Cas, we need you to have a look at these symbols. We think they're Enochian,' explained Sam.

Castiel slipped his phone back in his pocked and walked over to examine the hearts.

'You're right, Sam,' he said. 'These are Angelic marks. I'd imagine you'd find similar marks on the other couple's hearts as well.'

'So what are they? What do they mean?'

'It's a mark of union. This man and woman were intended to mate.'

Callisto raised her eyebrows.

'Intended to mate? What, like Cupid's arrow sort of thing?'

'Exactly. What human myth has mistaken for Cupid is actually a lower order of Angel. Technically, it's a Cherub. Third class.'

'Cherub?' said Dean, incredulously. 'You mean the little flying fat kid in diapers?'

'They're not incontinent,' said Castiel, seriously.

'The Cherubim are said to have the faces of a lion, ox, eagle and man, and four wings,' explained Callisto, fighting to keep a straight face. 'A little scarier than the chubby babies in Raphael paintings.'

'Ok, so what you're saying-' began Sam, but Castiel cut him off.

'What I'm saying is that a Cupid has gone rogue, and we have to stop him before he kills again.'

Sam threw up his hands in exasperation.

'Naturally.'

'Of course we do,' said Dean, winking conspirationally.

'Classic,' grinned Callisto.

* * *

They found themselves in a restaurant not too far from the morgue. Everything about the interior was ridiculously kitsch, from the red scented candles on each table to the hearts hanging from the ceiling, bearing the legend 'Be My Valentine'

Callisto leaned back into the corner of the booth, sipping her glass of wine superciliously and observing the rest of the restaurant's inhabitants with an expression of mild distaste.

'So, you just happen to know Cupid likes the Cosmos at this place?' asked Dean as the waitress delivered their food.

'This place is a nexus of human reproduction,' said Castiel. 'It's exactly the kind of…' he paused, staring at Dean piling ketchup onto his burger patty, 'of garden that Cupid will come to…pollinate.'

Dean raised his eyebrows, picked up his burger, got it halfway to his mouth, then seemed to think better of it and put it back down again.

'Wait a minute,' said Sam, looking incredulous. 'You're not hungry. _You_.'

'No.' They all stared at him. 'What? I'm not hungry!'

'Then you're not gonna finish that?' asked Castiel, looking hopeful. Dean pushed his plate towards the Angel. 'Awesome.'

He picked up the burger but froze before taking a bite, and lowered it again.

'He's here.'

'Where?' asked Sam. 'I don't see anything.'

'Is anyone going to eat that burger?' muttered Callisto, sullenly stabbing at her carbonara with a fork. Nobody payed her any attention; they were too busy looking at a couple who had spontaneously started kissing in their booth.

'Meet me in the back,' said Castiel, and disappeared.

'C'mon,' said Sam. Callisto closed her eyes, a pained expression on her face.

'Am I not going to get to finish anything I start tonight? This carbonara wasn't half bad.'

'I'll buy you a baconator when this is over,' said Dean. 'Come on.'

'Can you buy me an extremely attractive college girl desperate to experiment with her sexuality?' she muttered under her breath as they made their way towards the kitchens.

* * *

They went around the back of the restaurant and came in to find Castiel with his arm raised. He was chanting in Enochian.

'Manifest yourself,' he said finally, and lowered his arm. Nothing happened for a few seconds.

'So, where is he?' asked Dean. His question was answered when he was lifted from the ground from behind in a spine-cracking hug from a slightly overweight, extremely naked man.

'Here I am!' Cupid bounced Dean up and down, chuckling. Dean could only make choking sounds, but was rescued when Cupid caught sight of Castiel and dropped Dean, making a beeline for the other Angel instead.

'Hello, you!' He hugged Castiel and lifted him up. Castiel looked extremely uncomfortable.

'This is Cupid?' asked Dean.

'Yes,' choked Castiel. Cupid set him down and turned to Sam.

'And you!'

'Oh, no, no-' Sam got off lucky, being the only one in the room half a head taller than the Cherub. Callisto did not fare so well. Dean never saw her look as terrified as she did when embraced by a fat, naked angel.

'Is he fighting us?' asked Dean, looking wildly around. 'Are we in a fight?'

'No. It's their handshake.'

Dean stared at Cupid, then looked back to Castiel.

'I don't like it.'

'No one likes it.'

Cupid finally let go of Callisto and turned to Cas, a massive grin on his face.

'What can I do for you?' he asked, cheerfully.

'Stop it.'

'Hm?'

'Your targets, the ones you've marked. They're slaughtering each other.'

The grin on Cupid's face faded.

'What? They are?'

'Listen, birthday suit,' began Dean. 'We know. We know you've been flitting around, popping people with your poison arrow, making them murder each other.'

Cupid's facial expression was becoming more and more distraught.

'Dean-' Callisto warned.

'What we don't know is why,' added Castiel. Cupid looked up at him, his eyes big and shining.

'You think that I-' His face crumpled and the Cherub began to cry. 'I don't know what to say!'

'Oh, _now_ you've done it,' muttered Callisto, throwing her hands up and letting them fall back against her thighs with a resounding _slap_.

'Do something!' hissed Dean.

'Me? Why me?'

'You're a girl, you're used to crying things!'

'Oh, remind me to hit you for that when this is over, Winchester. Why doesn't halo-boy go?'

'Oh, no, I'd just make it worse. You're by far the most compassionate out of all of us.'

'Me? No, I inherently dislike- _Fine_.' She walked over to where Cupid was hunched over, his back to them and, with a final glare at the other three, placed a hand on his shoulder.

'Look, I'm sorry my friends upset you, it's just there have been some confusing murders recently and all the victims had your brand on their hearts. I know you didn't do it, but could you please maybe shed some light on this? We didn't mean to…hurt your feelings.'

Cupid turned around and pulled Callisto into another gigantic hug.

'Love is more than a word to me, you know?' he sobbed into her shoulder. 'I love Love! Love it, and if that's wrong, I don't wanna be right!'

'Of course,' said Callisto, patting him on the back reassuringly while mentally sending daggers towards the others. 'Don't we all? I, personally, am a _huge_ fan of your work.'

Cupid released her. Callisto took the chance to back away slowly and stand next to Castiel.

'I love how much love there is in this room right now! Everybody loves everybody else, without me even trying, it's just so beautiful. Castiel, my brother, it's as if I shot an arrow through your heart while you were looking right at-'

'Yes, thank you, Cupid,' said Castiel, a tad louder than necessary. 'Could you please explain the four suicides we've had?'

'I was just doing my rounds!' he exclaimed. 'Whatever my targets do after that, that's nothing to do with me. I was following my orders!' He looked over to Cas as if he'd had a sudden realisation. 'Please, brother,' he said, seriously. 'Read my mind. Read my mind, you'll see.'

Castiel walked over to him and looked into his eyes intently for a few seconds.

'He's telling the truth,' he said, finally. Cupid breathed a sigh of relief.

'Jiminy Christmas, thank you!' he said, throwing his arms up.

'Wait wait wait, hang on a second,' said Dean. 'You said you were following orders. Whose orders?'

Cupid's face cracked into a grin once more.

'Why Heaven, silly!' Dean raised his eyebrows.

'Why does Heaven care if Harry meets Sally?'

'Well, mostly they don't. I mean, certain bloodlines, certain destinies…' He bobbed his head from side to side. 'Oh, like yours!'

'_What?_'

'Yeah, yeah, the union of John and Mary Winchester, _very_ big deal upstairs; top priority arrangement.'

Dean stared at him.

'Are you saying you fixed up our parents?'

'Well, not _me_ but…yeah! And it wasn't easy, either. Oh, they couldn't stand each other at first, but when we were done with them,' he gave a little laugh, 'perfect couple!'

'Perfect?'

'Uh-huh!'

'They're dead.'

'Well, I'm sorry, but the orders were very clear. You and Sam needed to be born, and your parents just…meant to be! _A match made in heaven…_' he sang. Dean swung back an arm and cracked his fist across Cupid's face. Literally, cracked. It did not sound pretty.

'Son of a _bitch_.' Dean cradled his injured hand. By the time he turned around, Cupid had disappeared.

'Where is he? Where'd he go?'

'I believe you upset him,' said Castiel, wearily.

'Upset _him_?'

'Dean,' said Sam, finally. 'Enough.'

'What?'

'You just punched a Cupid.'

'I just punched a dick!'

'Um, are we gonna talk about what's been up with you lately, or not?'

Dean glared at his brother.

'Or not,' he said before stalking out of the morgue, shaking his bruised hand.

* * *

Two days and four more suicides later, Sam, Dean and Callisto found themselves in their motel room, facing a black leather briefcase. Sam had acquired said briefcase when attacked by a mysterious, suited man earlier that day.

'We should crack it,' said Callisto.

'What's the worst that could happen, right?' said Dean.

'Let's do it,' said Sam.

Callisto stood back to let the other two pick the combination locks. A minute later, the tumblers clicked and the lid of the suitcase swung back, spilling a blinding white light. The light washed over the three of them and they cringed away from it, shielding their eyes.

'What the hell is that?' asked Dean, once the light had subsided.

'A human soul,' came Castiel's voice from behind them. He was holding a paper bag from Whitecastle in one hand and a burger in the other. 'It's starting to make sense.' He took a bite from the burger.

'Now what about _that_ makes sense?' asked Sam.

'And when did you start eating?' added Callisto.

'Exactly,' enthused Castiel, gesticulating with the burger. 'My hunger - it's a clue, actually.'

'For what?' asked Sam and Dean simultaneously, pausing briefly to share the tiniest of smug sibling-telepathy looks.

'This town is not suffering from some love-virus gone wrong,' said Cas, taking another bite of burger. Callisto was starting to get peckish. 'It's suffering from hunger. Starvation, to be exact. Specifically, Famine.'

'As in the horseman?' asked Callisto.

'Great,' muttered Dean. 'Freaking great.'

'But I thought famine was starvation,' said Sam. 'As in, you know. Food.'

'Yes, absolutely,' said Cas, earnestly. 'But not just food. Everyone seems to be starving for something. Sex, attention, drugs. Love.'

'Well that explains the puppy lovers,' commented Dean. 'But what about you? I mean, since when do Angels secretly hunger for Whitecastle?'

Cas looked down at the paper bag in his hand.

'It's my vessel,' he explained. 'Jimmy. His, uh, appetite for red meat has been touched by Famine's effect.'

'So Famine just rolls in and makes everyone crazy?'

'And then will come Famine,' quoted Castiel, 'riding on a black steed. He will ride into the Land of Plenty. And great will be the Horseman's hunger, for He is Hunger. His Hunger will seep out and poison the air.' He paused to explain. 'When Famine is hungry, he must devour the souls of his victims. Lucifer sent his Demons to care for Famine, to make sure he is ready.'

'Ready for what?' asked Callisto, warily. Castiel looked at her.

'To march across the land.'

She raised her eyebrows.

'And what, exactly, does that marching entail?'

'I just said - his Hunger will seep out and poison the air.'

'Right.'

'So, what, this whole town is gonna eat, drink and screw itself to death?' asked Sam. Castiel nodded.

'We should stop it,' he mumbled round a mouthful of burger.

'Hey, that's a great idea,' said Dean, sarcastically. 'How?'

Castiel chewed thoughtfully.

'How'd you stop the last horseman you met?'

'War got his mojo from his ring. And after we cut it off, he just tucked tail and ran, and everyone who was affected, it was like they woke up out of a dream. You think Famine has a class ring too?'

Castiel swallowed.

'I know he does.'

'Well, lock and load, boys,' said Callisto, grabbing her gun off the table and checking it was loaded before tucking it into the back of her jeans. 'Chop chop. Literally.'

'Yeah…' said Cas unenthusiastically, peering into his paper bag and looking disappointed when he found nothing but a few crumbs.

'What are you, the Hamburglar?' asked Dean, rolling his eyes.

'I've developed a taste for ground beef.'

'Have you tried to stop it?'

'I'm an Angel, I can stop anytime I want.' Castiel crumpled up the paper bag and chucked it into the wastepaper basket.

'Whatever,' said Dean. 'Sam, let's roll.'

Sam came out of the bathroom, looking extremely uncomfortable. A fine sheen of sweat had appeared along his forehead and he was breathing heavily.

'I…can't. I can't go.'

Callisto raised an eyebrow.

'What, you eat some undercooked chicken or something?'

'No. I…uh…I think it got to me, Dean. I think I'm hungry for it.'

Dean's eyebrows knitted together as he glared at his brother.

'Hungry for what?' he said, although he already knew the answer.

'You know.'

'Demon blood? You've gotta be kidding me.' Dean turned to Cas. 'You gotta get him outta here, you gotta beam him to, I don't know, Montana, or-'

'It won't work, he's already been infected. The virus is just gonna travel with him.'

'Well then what do we do?'

'You go cut that bastard's finger off,' said Sam. Dean shrugged and turned to Castiel and Callisto.

'You heard him.'

'But Dean, before you go, you better-' he exhaled sharply. 'You better lock me down good.'

Castiel and Callisto began to make their way towards the car while Dean cuffed Sam to the bathroom sink. Callisto bit her lip as she felt the effects of Famine tug at her edges. It wasn't food or drink she wanted, either. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She was not going to let this get the better of her. She was better than that.

The Impala was parked around the corner, and the two of them walked towards it, side by side.

'Are you sure you don't want to stop off at the drive-thru?' Callisto asked condescendingly as they neared an alleyway coming off the street they were on.

'I told you, I have self control,' said Cas. 'I just choose not to exercise it. Besides, I don't want burgers anymore.'

'Then what _do_ you want? Steak? Milkshakes?'

'You.'

Callisto stopped in her tracks and looked at him sharply. Then, she grabbed him by the tie and pulled him towards her. He whirled her around and pushed her against the wall of the alley, his lips crushing hers. One of his arms was wrapped around her waist, the other hand threaded through her hair, cradling her head as he kissed her hungrily. Callisto didn't waste any time, her hands were already loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. He pushed her jacket off her shoulders and pulled her top over her head. Her gun clattered to the ground but they both ignored it.

Castiel's warm hands slid over her stomach to cup her breasts and she moaned, arching her back. He kissed her neck and each kiss sent a jolt of pleasure through her. She unbuckled his belt and used it to pull him close to her, slipping her hand down his boxers and feeling his length. He groaned, his fingers digging into her hips as she stroked him.

'Cas! Callisto!'

Callisto snatched her hand out of Castiel's trousers and whipped her head around. Dean was standing at the entrance to the alley, looking furious.

'Seriously, guys?'

Castiel opened his mouth, couldn't think of a suitable response, and promptly closed it again. Callisto snatched her top off the ground and pulled it on before grabbing her gun and tossing it to Dean.

'I've been compromised,' she muttered. 'I shouldn't have this.'

'Maybe you should stay in your room,' said Dean, sternly. 'You're a liability to this case. Cas, you're with me.'

Callisto nodded and made to leave, but not before Castiel grabbed her around the waist and kissed her deeply. Dean rolled his eyes.

'_Cas_.'

They broke apart.

'I won't be long,' Castiel promised.

* * *

One dead mortician later, Cas and Dean found themselves in the car park of a shut-down restaurant.

'You wanna go over the plan again, stud?' said Dean. He hadn't stopped calling Castiel 'stud' all evening.

'I take the knife, I go in, I cut off the ring hand of Famine and I meet you back here in the parking lot.'

'Well that sounds foolproof,' muttered Dean, turning to survey the entrance. By the time he turned back, Castiel had disappeared. He waited for a minute. Castiel did not return.

'This is taking way too long,' he muttered, grabbing his gun and getting out of the car.

Careful not to make a sound, Dean crept into the restaurant. He passed a man who had drowned in a vat of boiling oil and paused to watch in disgusted fascination as the oil bubbled around him, blistering the poor bugger's skin into huge, red sores. He almost didn't notice the Demon creeping up behind him, but managed to hit it in the face with the butt of his shotgun before it could grab him. He didn't have as much luck with its partner, though, and found himself being relieved of his firearm and dragged through into the next room.

An ancient man sat in an electric wheelchair in the middle of the room, a breathing tube attached to his nose.

'The other Mr. Winchester,' said Famine.

'Where's Castiel?'

'You set your dog on me, I merely tossed him a steak. He's probably off screwing that whore who took his fancy earlier.'

'Don't talk about Callisto like that,' growled Dean, straining against the Demons. 'So this is your big trick? Making people coucou for coco puffs?'

'It doesn't take much,' responded Famine. 'Ah America, all you can eat, all the time. Consume, consume, consume…A swarm of locusts in stretch pants! And yet you're all still starving because hunger doesn't just come from the body, it also comes from the soul.'

'That's funny, it doesn't seem to be coming from mine.'

'Yes, I noticed that. Have you wondered why that is? How you can even walk in my presence?'

'I like to think it's because of my strength of character,' said Dean, with a winning smile.

Famine gave Dean an unpleasant look.

'I disagree.'

He wheeled himself forwards and placed a hand on Dean's torso, just underneath his ribcage. An unfamiliar agony engulfed Dean; he gave a grunt of pain.

'Yes,' said Famine. 'I see. That's one big, deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.'

* * *

Callisto lay on the bed in her motel room, feeling frustrated. That was the second time that day she had been interrupted in pursuit of pleasure by a Winchester. Still, it was quiet in Sam's room next door, so she assumed he'd restrained himself from whatever it was he'd been craving and gone to sleep, or something.

She got up and peeled off her top and jeans. It was way too hot in this room. She dropped her clothes in the corner and turned around, almost walking straight into Castiel. The way he looked at her was hungry, animalistic, like he wouldn't stop until he had her. It would have scared her if she hadn't felt exactly the same way.

'I tried to stop myself,' he said in a low voice. 'But I couldn't.'

Callisto responded by pushing his trench coat off his shoulders and ripping his shirt open before kissing him. He pulled the sleeves of the shirt off, then picked Callisto up by her hips, not breaking their kiss for a second. She wrapped her legs around his waist as they collided with the wall. Her hands knotted through his messy hair as he kissed her neck, her collarbones, her chest. Then, she pushed off the wall so Castiel stumbled back and landed on the bed with Callisto straddling him. She unbuckled his belt and pulled off his trousers before mounting him again. With a growl, he pushed her over so he was on top of her, pinning her wrists above her head with one hand. She bit his bottom lip and tugged on it roughly, he responded by letting go of her lips and biting down hard on her neck. She cried out, her back arching. His hand ran over her stomach and his thumb hooked into the top of her pants.

He stopped, however, before he could pull them down. Callisto blinked. Castiel pulled back, looking down at Callisto's face, seeing her properly for the first time that evening. She looked up at him with those big, honey-coloured eyes.

'No,' he said, shaking his head. 'I can't, not like this. You deserve better.'

She blinked 'Do you feel like you've just woken up?'

'Yes,' he said, sitting up. 'You too? I think Dean has put Famine out of play.'

She frowned, and for the first time Castiel payed attention to the way her eyebrows moved fractionally closer together, the way her lips puckered slightly.

'Callisto, I am so sorry-' he began.

'Don't,' she said, softly. 'I wanted it as much as you did, remember?'

She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, then stood up to put some clothes on. He watched the way her muscles moved beneath her skin, golden in the soft glow of the lamp. She picked up his shirt and threw it to him before picking a fresh pair of black jeans and grey t-shirt (she seemed to have endless collections of both) out of her bag.

'We should check on Sam,' said Cas as he shrugged on his shirt and buttoned it up. 'See if he's alright.'

Callisto bit her lip and paused halfway through pulling on a jeans leg.

'He's been silent all night. I figured he'd be asleep or someth-'

Castiel disappeared before she'd even finished her sentence.

'He sure knows how to romance a girl,' she muttered. He was back by the time she's finished dressing herself.

'Sam is gone.' He picked up his coat and fished in the pocked for his phone, but Callisto's rang before he could dial. She threw on her t-shirt and picked it up.

'Yes, Dean?…Um, ok, is Sam with you?…Yeah, he's here…Ok, see you soon.' She hung up and turned to Cas. 'He said we need to be ready and outside in ten minutes. Sam's with him.'

Castiel nodded sagely.

'I assume he drank Demon blood and then went to assist Dean in getting Famine's ring.'

'You'll have to explain all this Demon blood crap to me in the car,' she replied, throwing things into her travel bag haphazardly. 'Let's go.'


End file.
